Hallelu, hallelu, hallelu, HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!! Praise ye the Lord!!!

The pain has subsided tremendously - even went for supper with my folks tonight...Don had to work :( ... It is absolutely wonderful to be so pain free. Don is so very much relieved - I can see it on his face. His cute little bearded face!!! There are some bladder issues that we are trying to work through that give a bit of pain - can't stand more than a second or two, walking is a problem, though not as painful as just standing. BUT - the big overall pain is gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so, so, glad. Thank you, God - thank you, God!!! Thank you God.

After we got home the other night from the doctor's visit and we had found out that things were not as good as we had hoped, Don & I were just sitting quietly when two dear, sweet loved ones came by with burgers and frostys from Wendy's. What a blessing they were to come by. When they came in I was sitting in my rocker, so they came over to give hugs. Jill gave a hug first, then Kent gave me a hug - and that's when IT happened.

I've contemplated what this might be like for some time - what would I do?, how would I react?, what would the other person do? Well - what happened? Ha! My wig came off completely. It fell down behind my back in the rocker. Oh, my!! I've always been concerned about the shock factor from other folks in seeing a bald person without warning. Kent & Jill were fantastic. Kent said he wouldn't look (it didn't bother me for them to see my bald-headed, though I do get concerned for those seeing my baldness) and I'm trying to get it back on while I'm laughing so hard and I can't find the tag that tells me front from back. I get Thelma Lou on and Don is cracking up - I have it on upside down!! Two more tries and Don keeps saying "it's on backwards". Oh my!! Finally got her on straight and everyone settles in - what hysteria!!!

Then there's thanks to God for providing some comic relief in all of this...what a sense of humor God must have. We enjoyed the escapade - and just chuckle now and again thinking of it.

Take care as we enter a new year...hardly seems possible.

God's grace & mercy to you all..
Love,
Don & Deb

Hello...just returned from our visit to Madison. We saw Dr. Rose, my oncologist, to get results from last week's CT scan. We also saw Dr. Cleary, my pain doctor, to see how we're going to overcome this pain.

First - Dr. Rose. The results from the CT scan were a bit "not good" (forgive my English). The tumors in my lungs are growing and there are more of them. All in perspective, though. Dr. Rose showed me the CT scan itself because he wants us to understand what he sees and put it all in the proper perspective (as a way of finding some good out of all this, I'm sure!). The tumors are small in comparison to the overall size of the lungs. It's like looking at the night sky and seeing the stars. Some "stars" are tumors; some are not. He said some folks have lots of tumors; I do not. But the ones I do have are growing. The tumors in the pelvic region are not growing - they are stable; as are the lymph nodes in the pelvic region. All stable. That is fabulous. Great news there...but that is where all the pain is. Just can't figure it out. Anyway, the tumor growth in the lungs disqualifies me from continuing in the clinical study. The current chemo will end - no treatment today.

It appears I have 3 options: One is to find another chemo to try. Dr. Rose says that by the time a person gets to this point in treatment, finding another chemo to work is slim to none - about 10-15% chance that any other chemo will work. He said any "magic bullets" (not the food processor thing from QVC) are used right away, not saved up for later. Another option is to stop chemo all together, find something to do with this pain and live my merry life. The third option - and the one we chose - is to stop chemo for a time, aggressively deal with the pain to get it under control, then in a month or so, continue on with chemo (still with the same 10-15% chance of working). Dr. Rose said that this cancer, after months of watching, seems to be a slow-growing cancer and putting off chemo for a time will probably not do any further harm. Probably not. No one knows, for sure, this side of heaven, do they? Of course not!!

We are disheartened, to say the least. Don said something today about being put through the ringer - I guess so!

Then we saw the pain doctor. He is throwing the whole box of candy at me for this one. I'm taking everything to the max - the Neurontin, the morphine, the compazine, the Zofran, the motion-sickness patch, and anything else I have that I cannot think of. By the time we meet together for church on Sunday morning, I may be a complete zombie!!! Maybe not - maybe I'll be pain-free and thrilled!!!! We go back to Cleary next Tuesday for evaluation and adjustments. Something has to work - nothing is so far, not completely anyway. I'm not sleeping much, not eating much (lost another 8 pounds since Dec. 7th - yipee!!!) and generally physically done in, just about.

Believe it or not, all in all, our spirits are good. Don is struggling and beside himself simply because he does not know how else to help me. The pain thing has taken its toll on us both and he's ready for some relief. His nerves are shot!! But our spirits are good. God has blessed us with wonderful family and delightful friends and church family - all of which are a huge blessing. He has blessed us with peace that passes understanding time and time again. We are grateful for His care.

Thank you for holding us up in prayer today - we feel the calm and quiet of the Holy Spirit, we feel the love of our Father gently carrying us, we know, beyond feelings, that we are loved and cared for. God will not leave us or forsake us, even though days seem uncertain. God is NOT uncertain, the days may be, but God is not.

Love you, each one...
Don & Deb

Morning! The CT scan went well yesterday - and that's all we did! We were home in no time, it seemed like. We won't get the results until next week when I go for treatment.

Have a great day...we're celebrating today with Kurt, Jenn, and the girls. Mia and Livi will spend the night tonight and after Dad & Mom leave, we'll travel around to look at the lights. They really enjoy that. There's one here in Rockford that is quite the display - timed to music and all. That's one of our favorites, though it's on a rather busy street and parking is a challenge. Not quite as involved as a drive-in movie, but on the same order - we pull over, maybe we'll have snacks this year, tune in the radio and enjoy. Last year we sat for about 15 minutes and still hadn't seen it all. We'll see this year.

Merry Christmas, with love...
Don & Deb

Dear loved ones...merriest of Christmas' to you this year! We had a wonderful celebration with my Grandmother's side of the family last weekend (or maybe 2 weekends ago now...how time flies!). Grandma (Noni) turned 101 this past week - wow! I don't think I've ever known anyone that's lived that long, not in recent memory anyway. Oh, but we had fun with cousins, etc., that we just don't see very often, wonderful food (way too much, of course) and the children played well, the organization of the whole thing was just wonderful - thank you, Becky & Judy. We had a wonderful time - and the snow outside just added to the festivities (in more ways than one!).

And the celebrations of Christ's birth just go on and on...looking forward to our annual Christmas Eve service at church. A time of great joy, to be sure. We will get together with a little of Don's family on Christmas Eve (our big celebration is always New Year's Day) and then we'll gather with my family out at Dad & Mom's on Christmas Day.

Hope that whatever you do, whether you gather with family or have a quiet celebration - whatever - that it is filled with hope in our Savior, thanks for His coming, and praise to our Father for His wonderful plan.

The last couple of weeks have had their challenges...medicine for pain isn't working well, tummy turbulence and the like have just come to camp at our home and it's made for challenging times. Tomorrow is the CT scan in Madison and we won't know of the results until next week. I also begin another round of treatment tomorrow. The schedule is off a bit because of the holiday, but that's OK...we just roll with it.

Much love to you and yours...again, focus on the important - the Savior that was born and your response to that gift - and let the rest fall where it may!!

Love you...and Merry Christmas!
Don & Deb

Good morning...we had a great trip to and from Madison, as well as a good visit with Dr. Clearly and his "fellow" (more than a "resident", I believe??). Don and I just enjoy each other and being in the car together (though I fall asleep sometimes!). We had cheeseball and crackers along the way, Christmas music playing, and we just went zippity-do-dah down the road.

We spent about 1 1/2 hours with the doctors yesterday and we are going to try some new things. I'll try a new drug (new for me) from a different "family" to see if that helps the pain without the side effects that I have with the morphine. The doctor also suggested ginger for the nausea, etc. He asked if I have problems with motion sickness (is there water in the ocean????) because he said he has lots of trouble with motion and cannot take morphine, either, without the nasty side effects. He takes lots of ginger like you'd find in the health food store (not in the spice aisle, though it's the same, I think). So off on another adventure - to the health food store. He's also prescribed a little physical therapy thinking that it might be muscle-related and could possible benefit from stretches, etc. ("torture" is what I'm thinking!!). He was very kind, asked lots and lots of questions and seemed knowledgeable without being a "know it all" or just tossing out textbook ideas. He is from Australia and has a thick accent, so we had to pay very close attention not to miss a thing.

So, we'll try some things and see. All in all, I'm doing really well...I've got the morphine, etc. down pat pretty much and know that I can take it 2x each day, so if I have things going that day, I can time it to help when needed most. The heating pad works wonderful, too.

Make it a great day...the Lord is kind and gracious and we thank Him for providing wonderful care-givers along our path. Thank you for your prayers on our behalf and that of our families.

Love,
Don & Deb

Good afternoon...it's a bright, sunny day - cool and clear. I was out running some errands and it was warm and cozy with the sun on my face and the heater on full-blast in the car! A little mocha-java-latte or whatever would have been the frosting on the cake.

We are making a quick trip to Madison tomorrow to see a pain oncologist. My regular oncologist in Madison just isn't sure what else to do with me, so we'll see the specialist and hope that he can offer some wise counsel. I've been keeping track a bit of the pain to try to narrow down the who-what-where-when-how of it all. It doesn't seem to be "chemo"-related...it does not go away when I've got a week or two off (as do other aches/pains). It doesn't seem to be tumor-related (at least according to the latest CT scan). There are some consistencies, though, and perhaps those will point us in the right direction.

I'm also scheduled for another CT on Dec. 22 to see how much progress with treatment we've made since last time. Last CT showed the tumors in my lungs were shrinking - and we are hoping that this upcoming CT will show even more "shrinkage". I wasn't expecting good news last time - I am excited about this next one and am looking for more good news.

Don & I are enjoying the sounds of the season - we have music playing a lot these days. Music has such a marvelous way of soothing, of comforting, of challenging, of reinforcing Biblical truth and can be just plain entertaining! (I was doing dishes the other morning singing away when I realized Don was just standing and listening to me. I do not have a "singing" voice at all, but we were having fun!!) And the harmonies of the songs we enjoy are just beautiful. We listen to a variety of styles with our Christmas music - jazz, gospel, quartet, "loud & bangy", instrumental - we even have a Beach Boys Christmas cd!!

One of the traditions that our family started years and years ago - and we continue to this day - is a "fondue" night when we put up our tree. This year was a bit different as we "fondued" a night or two after putting up the tree. We get small cans of sterno out and lots of things that go on a skewer or can be eaten with crackers or fingers...little Cheddar smokies, chunks of cheese, chunks of steak that has been cooked "rare" just prior to our meal, a couple of kinds of cheese balls, veggies & dip, smoked salmon & cream cheese, pickled herring - just fun stuff. We have eggnog first, then a time of thanks to God...thanking Him for a wonderful year and trusting Him for the year to come (more on that in a minute), then we "fondue" while watching White Christmas or some other favorite Christmas movie and our evening wraps up with chocolate fondue, fresh berries, pound cake, and the like. You probably have special times that you treasure with your family and we hope you enjoy the moments and memories of those times.

Yes, we've given God thanks for the past year. Just thinking - one year ago we were getting ready to celebrate my grandmother's 100th birthday (she'll be turning 101 in a couple of weeks and still going along!!) and also getting ready for our niece's wedding...and cancer wasn't a part of the picture at all. That we knew of anyway. We know differently now - but looking back over how our lives have changed since last Christmas - wow! Perhaps you've experienced change of grand proportions, too...a loved one has "gone on", perhaps you've received the news of a job change or loss, a diagnosis that just takes your breath away. Yes, I understand that. This I know...and can say with calm assurance from walking this road...God is still God and His plan for our salvation is the same. His Son came to earth as a tiny babe, grew to be a man that learned obedience - obedience that took Him to the cross. Fully man, fully God, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. For that we give God praise. You see, trusting God with my life - and my "forever" - brings such peace and calm. There is no fear in tomorrow - no fear. God has cared for me up to this point, He is faithful and true and will continue to care for me from this life into the next. I can hardly wait for "eternity" but for the loved ones I treasure so here on earth!!

Priceless memories these days are...may God bless your day today!
Love,
Deb

IT'S SNOWING!!! Just a little - but it's snowing!!! What a marvelous sight! King David starts out the 51st psalm with these words..."Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your unfailing love; according to Your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin." And then a little further down, in verse 7, David says, "wash me, and I will be whiter than snow."

I'm always reminded of the purity, the freshness, the way new fallen snow can cover the dirtiest old pile and make it look new again...and God's compassion and forgiveness when we come with repentant and contrite hearts, as David did after his broo-ha-ha with Bathsheba. Actually, the Bible calls it "sin"! Thank you, God, for the precious reminder of Your mercy in such a practical way - snow!!

Have a great day...hope it's snowing where you are...
Love,
Don & Deb